Local audit / no cloud

47 things I said I'd do.
I did none of them.

A small offline script that digests your private chat exports, spots promises that vanished into thin air, and gives each restless line an ofrenda.

Bhoot dikhao Zero cloud calls. Runs entirely on your machine.

412d

Oldest ghost found

412 days, 14 hours, 28 minutes cold

"I'll review the pull request before midnight." A message from 412 days ago with zero commits that night.

Origin

The night it started

It was 2am on a rainy Tuesday in [TODO: your city or room]. I was searching through [TODO: chat name or friend] for a link someone had sent me months ago.

Instead of the link, I kept bumping into my own words: "will review tonight", "sending the draft by afternoon", "call you in ten minutes".

Nobody was mad. No one followed up. The conversations simply kept moving until the promises evaporated into polite static.

That quiet decay felt worse than an actual argument. So I pulled my wifi, dumped two years of text logs onto my drive, and built a scanner to hold myself to account.

Interactive Altar

Restless spirits from my archive

Incense burning • Ghost eyes softly track your cursor

Local Processing Verified • Air-Gapped Privacy Audit

Chat Ingestion: 100% Local Device Extraction LLM: Google Gemma 2 (Local RAM) Tabular Model: Prior Labs TabPFN External AI APIs: Zero (0) Raw Uploads: None Socket Audit: 0 Outbound Packets

412 days cold

"I'll review the pull request before midnight."

189 days cold

"Will send you the portfolio contact tomorrow morning."

73 days cold

"Let us catch up this weekend for sure, chai on me."

Diya jalao

Anatomy of the 47 unkept promises

Accumulated Conversational Debt

8,554 days

The combined time these 47 ghosts have lingered in the archive since the original promises were made without follow-through.

62%

"Kal pakka" delays

Short-term postponements meant to buy 24 hours of peace that quietly turned into permanent radio silence.

24%

"Weekend pe pakka"

Vague social commitments made under mild social pressure, forgotten before Saturday morning arrived.

14%

"Checking this right now"

Messages typed while opening an email tab, instantly derailed by an incoming Slack notification.

The path from raw chat export to resting spirit

Step 01

Local archive intake

Drop plain text or JSON exports straight from Signal, Telegram, or WhatsApp into a local folder. No tokenization on remote servers, no telemetry, and no sign-up forms.

Step 02

Gemma semantic filter

Gemma runs through Ollama on your machine. It extracts temporal commitments like "tomorrow morning", "kal sham tak", or "by end of day" across messy conversational contexts.

Step 03

TabPFN ghost scorer

TabPFN processes the extracted signals alongside conversation timestamp gaps. It performs in-context classification instantly on small tabular slices without requiring model fine-tuning.

Step 04

The ofrenda ledger

Unkept commitments are sorted by days elapsed. You get a clear list of what you abandoned so you can either finish the task or send an honest apology and let the ghost rest.

Why this refuses to be a cloud service

01 / Privacy

Chat exports are too intimate for someone else's server

These files hold five years of doctor appointments, late night arguments, and passwords sent in panic. You do not upload that to a cloud company to save two minutes of local setup.

02 / Connectivity

Works with the wifi completely off

Turn off your radio, sit on a delayed train, and run the entire scan. Ollama and TabPFN run in memory on your laptop without sending a single packet into the air.

03 / Ownership

You can swap the model whenever you want

No locked endpoints or changing terms. When a lighter model weight drops next month, change one line in the local script and keep your workflow intact.

Numbers and honest limits

84%

Extraction Accuracy

Measured across 50 hand-checked conversation samples.

Known failure mode

Where the parser still stumbles

On dry, sarcastic banter, Gemma regularly flagged jokes like "sure, I will buy you an island on Friday" as high-priority commitments. Sarcasm in multi-lingual chat groups remains an unsolved bug, so an explicit ignore list had to be added.